Angels walk among us...

January 4, 1999, approximately 8:05am...a day that changed the course of my direction and etched my soul with gratitude~




I was living in Deland, FL at the time with my newlywed husband. We were married November 14, 1998... He owned a Title Insurance business in Altamonte Springs, FL. I recently left my position as a Division Recruiter with a major IT Corp. headquartered out of VA. to join him at the Title Co. We both agreed that growing this business together would benefit our future together~ and so it began...

A friend/co-worker needed a lift to work one morning and I was most happy to provide one for her! It required an alternate route to work. I jumped in my car in my brand new suit, coffee in tow and some good jams to keep me company. When I pulled into my friends driveway, I honked...a few times...no one responded. I am sure the neighbors were enjoying my wake-up call~

My husband had just purchased a brand new Nissan Altima, complete with leather seats, surround sound, hands free phone system, sunroof and all of the bells and whistles you could imagine. I didn't mind that I was taking the long way to I-4. After my failed attempt in picking up my friend, I thought I would phone the office to alert them that I was on my way and running a few minutes behind. The person that answered the phone was the very friend that I was supposed to pick up that beautiful, sunny, chilly morning. I was razzin' her for not calling me to let me know she found a ride in... I exited onto the overpass ramp, I recall the sun blinding me as my car began to make the turn on the ramp. I sneezed...not once but at least three times...my head jerked with each exhale. Just when I looked up I realized I was failing the turn and heading for the guardrail. I quickly went to correct myself and my wheels got caught in the shoulder of the road which in turn spun me into oncoming traffic...all while I was still locked in conversation with my friend at work. Time froze...and I mustered all the strength that I could to avoid hitting the black truck speeding towards me head-on. The last thing I recall saying to my friend was "OH SHIT!" in a panicked tone...then BAM! We collided.






I was out cold~






When I awoke, the smell of burnt skin and fumes was overwhelming. I was dazed and confused. I remember thinking that my coffee wet my hair~ my bangs of all things! Anyone that knew me when I wore bangs knew the perfection that came with them...and if they got wet...well, that meant curly hair...OH NO! (This was my minds focus for a second)

I was scared. I remembered seeing someone in front of me criss-crossing their arms in front of their face minutes before the impact occurred. At this point, I thought that I may have killed someone. How was I going to cope with that? What would I do? My heart ached. I was rocking back and forth and no one was around...

Moments later, as my car was pinned against the guardrail and my door jammed, a lady appeared. A plump, dark-haired lady in scrubs. I thought to myself: "Thank you, GOD. A nurse!" She came to my door and with such compassion she spoke softly: "Honey, it's gonna be OK" then she somehow managed to kneel beside me and stroke my hair. She asked my name. I panicked...I was just married. If I gave her my married name, no one would realize it was me...if I gave her my maiden name...what if my DH wasn't notified? Then, in an instant a sense of calm rushed over me...she kept telling me not to worry, that I was going to be just fine...and she disappeared...

Sirens, commotion, confusion.....then a strange man at my door...the man that was behind me and witnessed it all..the FIRST person on the scene. Did you read that? The FIRST person on the scene. Who was this lady? Why didn't anyone see her? Why couldn't anyone answer my question about her whereabouts? WHY?




My DH arrived. This is when I realized I was seriously hurt. As he approached the car (after driving up the side of the overpass and jumping the rail realizing it was my car on the top of the bridge) he quickly came to my side. So compassionate. So kind. So worried. SO with ME. I recalled him glancing at the guy, the FIRST one on the scene, with a panic struck face and asking him if he noticed my legs and feet. I kept asking about the person I hit...the sound of the helicopters...the what ifs and whys and how comes of it all~ I must have apologized a million times over....then, the emergency crew arrived...they pried open my passenger door and came in for me....pulling me through to a gurney on the other side. I was shaking and cold. The EMT then pulled my shoes off and shock engulfed me to the core. The pain was unbearable. I was moaning and in/out at this point. My right ankle and foot was inward and upward and backward and my left was pointed straight down, both as large as a football! The ambulance ride was full of bumps and jolts and I was struggling to stay awake as they worked on me....






I arrived at the ER~ everyone was pushing and shoving people out of the way to get me in and situated. Still no pain medicine administered. I was about to "let go" I just could not take it another minute...

My Brother-in-law and Sister-in-law and my parents were there in no time, comforting ME! Why do I sound so shocked? We just lost our nephew, 14yrs young one month after our wedding...and not even a month had passed since his funeral...and there they were...supporting and comforting ME! You have NO idea what was stirring inside my soul at the time. My parents were scared and worried and hurting. My husband was arguing with the nurses and surgeon about letting me just lay there without a single pain killer...just trying...begging to get me some relief. The surgeon had come in and began manipulating my right foot that was pointing up facing me, obviously severely injured. My husband could barely stand what was happening. He actually fired the surgeon and demanded a new one come to the scene~ I was rushed in for an MRI and all sorts of x-rays. I remember the nurses all complimenting me on being so kind and polite. They were even a tad uneasy about handling me lying there all frail. Next thing I remember, I was hooked up to IVs and out cold. Pain meds finally administered=CHECK. Surgery was in progress...the first of many...and the beginning of a long road to recovery and healing...in more ways than just one.




After the initial surgeries , I spent a few days in the hospital...suffering through MAJOR flashbacks of my accident and worry that overwhelmed my every thought. I could not wait for my parents to show back up every morning after leaving me at night. I literally watched the clock. They brought me a headset with Andre Boccelli and it stirred inside of my soul and somehow put me at ease and restful sleep. With each rise of the sun, I noticed a hawk flying outside of my hospital room window and it was then that I had my first true "sign" ~ what that sign was, I did not know at the time...but, it was speaking...I just wasn't listening clearly.






I was discharged for a few days. Going home was the best thing for me to get my rest and heal and allow the swelling to subside before being readmitted for more surgeries. This is when life continued to hand me more than I thought I could handle...






During the time home, I had so many visitors, calls and cards and unexpected help...my husband had me set-up at my parents home...the front living room was completely remodeled into a home hospital room...complete with the hospital bed, portable toilet, wheelchair, visitation couch and decorated with all of the cards and flowers and pictures that would somehow make me smile again. I was just married after all. JUST MARRIED. I was battling the fear of "what if I never walk again" and "will I ever be able to stand side by side with my husband again?" and "will he stay?" I was slipping into a dark place~






I returned to the hospital for my next surgeries. The next few days I was in so much pain I could barely tolerate it. Morphine. Demerol. IV fluids. This was my cocktail around the clock...I was suffering hot/cold sweats and hallucinations and all of the icky stuff that comes with being on drugs and being traumatized. Our best friends, Darryl and Cheryl, were constantly checking in...they were up to visit one night and I remember sharing some good laughs with them both...they lightened my mood, if even for a minute. (They were the couple that my hubby and I lived with our first few months together...we were all inseparable.) We rode our Harley's daily and spent so many fun times together. The day after they were there to visit, I realized the clock turned 8am and no one was with me...(this was the normal time that my husband and parents arrived). I was confused and worried. Worried that my husband was getting cold feet and wanted out. He didn't sign up for this, ya know. He went from newlywed to nurse overnight. (and a damn good one, I might add) So, when he arrived, he was ... different. Off. I just could not put my finger on it. This was consuming my thoughts. He would come and go. He looked exhausted. Broken. My focus turned from me to him. I suppose that is normal in a relationship. The only difference is that I was high as a kite on morphine and demerol and my focus was a bit clouded...but, my heart and my soul were telling me something just wasn't right...I was WAY off. I simply did not expect to hear what came next....











It was mid-afternoon...my room was full of nurses as well as the Dr ...confusion seemed to be a daily routine for me. I was waiting patiently to see my husband...slipping in/out of a drug-induced sleep. Suddenly, there he was...handsome as ever and coming in with purpose. He asked the nurses and staff to please give him a moment alone with me...I had just transferred from my bed to the wheelchair and the physical therapist had just left a few minutes prior to his arrival. He came in the room and shut the door. I thought: "this is it...he is going to tell me he can't do it..." instead, he firmly requested that I promise not to get too upset or cry, that HE needed ME to be strong...for him...I was so confused and lost in this moment...and then the words came trembling out..."Darryl was hit and killed the other evening on his bike"











{{lights out, stillness, shock, darkness, illusion, heartache, fear, sadness, anger}}











All things that stirred within a moments time. Life changed...one hit after the next...I could not speak. I did cry...hysterically...(as I am doing now because I am revisiting this in detail for the first time in years). The pain does not vanish. It sticks. Why did he choose to tell me now...in the midst of all the trauma you ask? Well, he just left the camera crew outside of our home as they interviewed Darryl's friends for the 6 O'clock news...the guy that hit him was in hiding. A local. He drug our friend under his car, under the influence, for several feet and left him for dead in a ditch. Life~ no longer precious...yet destroyed by one poor choice....no second chances. I will never forget the process of healing that my dear husband and I faced....years of rehab so I could walk again, years of pushing through our tears and pain from our instant loss and continual changes....and somehow...

God worked through us yet again...and made us come together when it was MOST important, helping us build a trust that we had yet to experience before and allowing us to lean on one another time and time again. THIS was the beginning of my true journey...the one that led my soul to listen when it spoke~the one that tuned in to the "signs" from the other side...felt the breeze deeper than just wind at my back....recognized the good in people and that the simple things in life would carry me through...as long as I never stopped "listening."  The one that showed me just how precious life is and that things can change in the drop of a dime, but, as long as we look up and keep our faith in check...somehow, God will pull us through~



In simple terms: "I was chosen and blessed and will forever have a grateful heart."